Dealin' with Doherty

Due to popular demand (and by "popular demand" I mean someone asked me to do it), I have decided to eschew my normal sports commentary and introduce a new feature called "Dealin' With Doherty."

Doherty is my roommate and one of my closest and dearest friends. I've known him since college and have been living with him since this past summer. He's a great guy, but he has some quirks that when combined with my own odd personality and quirks produces some hilarious results.

Now before I go any further, I must pass along something that I've noticed men and women do differently: how they treat their friends. With men, the worse they insult and treat each other, the closer they are. I'll give you an example: my buddy Lee is one of my best friends. I've known him since middle school. We played baseball together in high school and were roommates all throughout college. I was the best man in his wedding, and if I ever get married, he'll be in mine. Naturally, I insult him as much as possible. It's a guy thing.

The same applies to Doherty. We don't usually walk into a room and go, "Hey, what's up?" like normal, civilized people. Oh no, our standard greeting goes something like this:

"Well, well, well... LOOK who it is!"
"What do you want?"
"I hate you."
"Good."

If you know Doherty, you know he likes to argue a lot. Doherty and I argue all the time, usually about critically important social issues such as sports, tv shows, and women (For the record: Sara is WAY hotter than Kate in White Collar. Just sayin')

At least 3-5 times a day, our conversations/arguments inevitably devolve into the following exchange:

"You're an idiot."
"YOU'RE an idiot."
"That doesn't even make sense."
"YOU don't make sense."
"Oh my gaw--"
"Oh my gawd."

We're sophisticated like that.

Anyway, one of our latest "disagreements" involves the show White Collar, one of my favorite shows. For those of you have never seen it, it revolves around a con man named Neil Caffrey (Matt Bomer) who was captured by FBI agent Peter Burke (Tim DeKay). Caffrey offers to help Burke and FBI solve White Collar crimes after being released into the custody of the FBI. It's pretty funny and has some great characters. Plus, all the cons they run to catch criminals and the history of the art and artifacts they are chasing is really interesting to me.

Doherty and I have a history of ribbing each other over our respective shows. It started back in college when he used to harass me about watching 24. Of course, he had no room to talk because his favorites at the time were Grey's Anatomy and One Tree Hill. I'm pretty sure the people at Miller Lite would side with me.

He's finally starting to come around and realize that I have better taste in tv shows. I don't know how many times he's walked in and said, "Man, (insert show name here) that's a good show!" He said it about NCIS, then Psych, and finally White Collar.

The other day, we were sitting around our apartment watching White Collar, and Doherty wondered aloud which character we all would be. The only thing we agreed was that our buddy Andrew was Mozzie. We both claimed that we'd be Neil. I argued that Doherty was Peter and I was Neil because: A. Neil is single, as am I; and B. Peter was married, and Doherty is practically married.

He didn't like that reasoning.

Doherty countered that Neil is a fashionable guy (it's true, he's always looking suave) and that of the two us, Doherty is clearly the fashion expert.

Normally, that would be true. Doherty has spent years working at the Gap (so much so that he once recognized the exact Gap shirt worn in a tv show. It was frightening) and owns more sweater vests than Jim Tressel. His girlfriend attests that he has more clothes than she does.

I, on the other hand, have a fondness for World War II-themed Hawaiian shirts, own Halo shirts-- plural, as in more than one-- and wouldn't hesitate to wear socks with sandals. (Hey, I like to wear socks and sometimes don't feel like tying shoes. Don't judge me)

Of course, when Doherty said, "And let's face it, I'm the fashion expert here!" and gestured to his body, he was barefoot and wearing Duke gym shorts and a white t-shirt that said, "Colorado: Here for the Beer."

I think I won that one.